The key to finding yourself is to lose yourself completely.

We have all felt lost at one point or another as a result of heartbreak, a traumatic event, coming back from the jungle, or anything. Although Mama Ayahuasca is an amazing experience that will change your life it is also a very confusing one because guess what? She changed your life! I was not prepared for the fact that when I came back I became a completely different person. My ego, my habits, and my mind had not fully comprehended that the old me was completely gone. Not a little. Not a lot. All. Of. It. 

Be patient and give yourself time to absorb to the new you. After coming out of the jungle like a baby who had just be born, or reborn in my case, I was a sponge. I did not give myself the time to discover and soak in the new me. The new me jumped right back into my old life. I was surrounded by strong personalities and I ended up taking on their's instead of finding my own. Before I knew I had lost myself completely. I knew Mama Ayahuasca had healed me in more ways than I could imagine but I couldn't figure out why I felt like I was spinning out of control. It took me 2 years to realize that in the midst of recreating myself I had completely lost myself in other people.

After realizing that I decided to take control and make some decisions. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Integration. Integration. Integration. Do. The. Work. This never stops and this is not something anyone else can do for you. You need to be 100% mindful and aware of yourself. A great asset for integration is Vipassana Meditation. Their free 10 day course after your visit with Mama Ayahuasca is perfect to help you integration. Mama Ayahuasca sets you up with a clean slate to do The Work. Vipassana meditation or any mindful exercise is The Work. 

Is losing yourself a bad thing? I will say that had I not lost myself completely I would not feel as grounded as I do now with a strong grasp of who I am. I also am aware of the fact that even this is impermanent. I will eventually feel lost again at some point. But now I know that every frustration, every unbearable challenge is a sign that I am evolving and growing. I've changed so much since my trip to Peru that it completely blows my mind. I can only imagine what more may come. With that the excitement grows. I encourage you to continue to learn and grow as well. <3

Take time for yourself.

One of the most common things we seem to neglect is making time for ourselves. We don't count plans with ourselves as actual plans. I've been guilty of setting time aside for myself then when asked if I was busy I say no. The time we set aside for ourselves may be more important than the time we set aside for others. If we don't take time to clear our minds, ground ourselves, and allow the lessons we've learned to settle, how will we be clear minded in our daily life? All the work you put into your self exploration and personal growth will have been wasted because you've never allowed yourself to fully let it sink in. 

Time to yourself is especially crucial when coming back from your visit with Mama Ayahuasca. This was one of the best pieces of advice given to me by my friend when I was preparing for my trip.

"Take a few days off when you come back. You won't have fully grasped what has happened to you yet. And going from the jungle back to the city will be a big shock. Give yourself some time to fully integrate everything that took place."

Everyone always asks and prepares for what they need to to before their Ayahuasca trip but nobody talks or asks about what to do when you come back. While prep before drinking is important what to do when you come back may be just as, if not even more, important. Mama Ayahuasca is not magic. No one drinks Ayahuasca then becomes a super human free of all past traumas after. Ayahuasca is only 50% of it. She will provide you with the tools necessary for changing your life. The other 50% is up to you to do the work and use what she has taught you. 

When I came I back I felt like nothing happened. It was not until a week up to a few months after the fact that I began realizing the immense change that had occurred in me. I realize as I was living my life that I definitely was not the same person I used to be before. My habitual ways of thinking no longer applied. Things I valued before no longer mattered to me. Traps that my mind would set did not catch me. But having been the person I was for so long it took me some time to observe myself and see how much had changed.

Integrate. Take time for yourself and remember nothing is immediate. Do the work.

Have you had something drive you so crazy but you can't figure out why?



There's always someone or something that can get to you like nothing else can. We've all been there. But lets explore why. The situation itself really isn't that serious or maybe it is and needs to be addressed. What's telling is if the same situation were to happen regarding a different person or thing would it bother you as much? If the answer is no then the issue is not really the situation itself. It is a result of your expectations not being met. You didn't build any expectations? That may be true on a level. You're not expecting anything BUT you're hoping for something. And when that's not met the "urk" sets in. No one is to blame. No one should be judged. Simply observe yourself. Accept yourself. And change your situation.

Deborah Adele's book The Yamas and Niyamas has been a great eye opener. Check it out at

Excerpt from The Yamas &amp; Niyamas.

Excerpt from The Yamas & Niyamas.

Life is change.

It's easy to get caught up in thinking in the "if only's" and the "what if's." That is the most common trap the mind sets for us. The truth is that way of thinking keeps you living in a false reality. "If only's" and "what if's" can only exist if I as an individual am never changing or growing. That is not possible. I cannot be who I was yesterday because that is in the past. Who I am tomorrow will be different and unknown for it has yet to happen. We only feel stuck when we resist change and get in our own way of evolving.


When you find yourself yearning for something to be other than what it is realize this: The "I" that wanted the "if" scenario was the "I" I was at the time. The "I" I am now may no longer care and honestly who has the time to spend obsessing over a hypothetical? Right now is the time for who you are in this present moment. Embrace that. Does that mean you will instantaneously not care about what you were obsessing over? No. It means you spend less time thinking about what is not and more time thinking about You. Now.

Do you ever find yourself tired but you don't know why? You've been working out, you've been sleeping a lot but you're still exhausted throughout the day. You feel as if a cloud is hanging over you but you can't quite put your finger on why? Everything is fine. Nothing tragic happened. What's going on? This happens when you are not being fully present in your current reality.

"When you'd rather be someplace other than where you are, parts of you shut down and begin not to participate. Your energy circulation becomes contracted, and the creative life force is unable to flow through you unimpeded. Your energy flow, the amount of life force flowing through you, begins to diminish. The source of the energy does not diminish, but the amount that flows through you does."

-Erich Shiffmann (Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness)

Think that's not you? This is just how you feel and it's just the way it is? What if who you and others, who have been tainted with whatever scars they've accumulated in their past, have defined you to be are wrong?

"Let go of every false self-deifnition, of everything you think you know about who you are, and then be what's left, what remains is the untarnished presence of who you've always been and still really are. This untarnished presence manifest--shines--as pure, clear awareness and unconditional love. When you experience your essence, you will feel this natural lovingness within yourself without having to do anything!"

-Erich Shiffmann (Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness)

A great tool that I have found to help this process along is practicing yoga. Yoga encourages the mind the be still and connect every part of you through your breath. Yoga is not based on ego or false pretenses. It focuses on keeping us in tune with how we are feeling in the present moment and nothing else. When you are fully present in the moment you cannot be bothered by hypothetical circumstances that so easily consume our lives. When you think of it it's ludicrous how much we allow hypothetical situations dictate our true reality. Live with who you are now in the now. By doing this you will have more energy because you will not be constricting your flow and you will be living more in sync with the True You.


Mindfulness is our greatest awakening

Great reads

Self Observation by Red Hawk
The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer

"This is how you've been imprinted to use
your relationship to power-to use it against
yourself. Every day we create reality based on
what we've been programmed to believe. So
we spend most of our lives not really
thinking clearly and coherently-not initiated
thought. We spend a great deal of our lives
not really living, but existing in programmed,
reactive belief that we call thought.

We can blame the oppressor, the
predatory mindset, we can blame it forever
and it doesn't mind. It doesn't care.

We need to use our energy, our
intelligence in an alternative way to
the way we have been using it

- John Trudell

We live a society blinded by greed and the well being of the vast population has taken a backseat. Things said to bring about improvement has only brought more destruction. I began to wonder at a very young age if what we are being told is the truth or maybe there are ulterior motives at play.

See through your own eyes and not the eyes of others. That is the only way to live your life instead of having it lived for you. Mama Ayahuasca taught me this powerful lesson. She showed me that everything I had ever known to be fact we not thoughts of my own. What I had been identifying myself with was not truly who I am. The hardest part is being able to recognize what is you and what is your ego. Only through practice and mindfulness can this awareness be strengthened. Allow the Mother to strip away the bullshit and open your mind up to seeing who you really are.

Stimulate the mind. Great reads on Kindle

Post Ayahuasca Experience

It seems like most people want to know how someone feels after coming home from their Ayahuasca experience. To be honest it is almost impossible to put into words. But I did come across this excerpt in the book I'm reading called Frequency by Penney Pierce. It's a great read and it's only $11 on Amazon! She sums up a great portion of what the post Ayahuasca experience is like.

"You are sucked entirely into the present moment away from your controlling ego. You can't make yourself do the things that used to work so well, and you experience the first real sense of your soul's vibration. There are simplicity, spaciousness, quiet, freedom, and peace. As you first encounter this state, however, it may feel like emptiness and your mind may panic and jump away, back to busyness and comfortable behaviors and ideas. As you let things be, you experience the profundity of your own being, and the experience transforms into one of relief, grace, and ultimately, joy. Suddenly you know who you are with your whole body! You've let go, found true center, and it feels greats! Ego? Who needs it! You're fine. fantastic, in fact--just as you are. You've reach 'end of progress.' Doing more is not the answer.
Now you enter a period which you may have very little motivation, feel like you're in limbo, crave time by yourself, or question everything you've done so far and your goals, as they no longer seem to fit or be interesting. You don't fall into victim thinking about these things; you're much more neutral, as though you're a scientist observing some alien life form. You focus on unconditionally accepting yourself, others, and life, and on letting go and trusting--everything. This is a time of ripening in which you saturate with the frequency of your soul and receive clear yet subtle signals directly from your core. It helps now to enter your body in a fuller way, to activate sensory and artistic awareness, appreciate beauty and simple pleasures, and take action that allows innocent childlike involvement.
In the relative stillness, you may feel that your priorities, belief systems, and molecules are being rearranged, that you're being 'rewired.' You recognize the last remnants of what's untrue about your life and determine to disengage from participating inauthentically in the world. It may be obvious that you don't fit well with the rest of society and you must resist the pressure from others to revert to familiar habits."

BOOM. For a moment I was shaken because I was unsure of who I was. I no longer associated with things I used to. Now I realize it's one of the most liberating experiences of my life. I am no longer solely dependent on my mind dictated by my ego to identify who I am. I am living life as it was meant to be lived. Free from judgment of the past and anxiety about the future. Mama Ayahuasca has allowed me to live completely in the present experience who I am instead of who I thought I should be.

Free Your Mind

We are born perfect corrupted only by society.

Yet we continue to follow along pretending it's all okay. The government has convinced the masses that Mama Ayahuasca is a drug that will kill you rather than medicine that will heal you. That is because they do not want you to think for yourselves. They do not want you to awaken and realize the facts they have been feeding you are false. There is no profit in that. Stop following mindlessly. Break free from the corporations that want to enslave your mind. 

rt by Luis Tamani.

Stop Telling Your Story.

After my closing ceremony I had a heart to heart with Cvita Mamic, shaman at Nihue Rao Centro Espiritual. I told her I felt as though I had not completely made peace with my past. I went into some details about the traumas I went through. I told her that I had been been in counseling on and off for about 9 years and it kind of helped but I don't think I've moved on. Ceremonies with Mama Ayahuasca had been incredibly helpful but I just didn't feel 100% healed. (Later I will come to find that I had not fully experienced how much Mama Ayahuasca had changed me at the time. It wouldn't be until almost a month after I came home that I experienced how much Mama Ayahuasca had healed me.)


Cvita said to me something along the lines of, "....counseling has its good and its bad. It helps you examine what happened to you and can be very helpful in the healing process. At the same time it makes you continue to talk about what happened to you so you can never fully move on. Stop telling your story. By constantly telling your story you're bring your past into your present. It's something I had to learn too. Stop telling your story."

It has been 5 months since I came home from Peru after my ceremonies with Mama Ayahuasca and those words have never hit me harder. Our past is a part of all of us but it is up to us to choose how much we are going to allow it to engulf our lives. After all they are just memories. Memories can't hurt us unless we allow them to consume us and take over our present.

"The past lives in you as memories but memories in themselves are not a problem. In fact, it is through memory that we learn from the past and from past mistakes. It is only when memories, that is to say, thoughts about the past, take you over completely that they turn into a burden, turn problematic, and become a part of your sense of self. Your personality, which is conditioned by your past, then becomes your prison. Your memories are invested with a sense of self, and your story becomes who you perceive yourself to be. This "little me" is an illusion that obscures your true identity as timeless and formless Presence." -Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose)

Stop telling your story doesn't mean keep everything in. It simply means learn when it's time to let go. Believe that you've made peace with it and stop obsessing that you're not okay. That's the ego. The ego loves obsessing. It thrives on it. 

The only way to be fully present is to do just that. Live in the present. Don't forget the past. That's impossible. But don't see yourself as a victim who survived the past. That is the ego at work. Instead see that the past has molded you into the person you are today. That's something I wouldn't trade. I'm very grateful for where I am now and that would not have been possible without the past. 

"I" does not exist.

The words "I," "My," and "Mine" are words given to us as children to define who we are. "I feel hungry." "My new toy." We've created our whole sense of self based off the material things that belong to us and the stature we think it gives us. "My Bugatti broke down and now I am very sad." But we don't get upset when "his" Bugatti breaks down. 

The truth is that non of it matters because it's all conception. If Bugattis cost the same as ear buds then having one no longer creates stature. Who I am is not based on my possessions or my thoughts. If all those things disappeared I will still exist. Who I really am will not diminish.

Mama Ayahuasca made this very clear to me in one of my ceremonies. I realized that who I am is not based on my thoughts or anything I knew before. I am not skinny. I am not fat. I am not humble. I am not vengeful. 

This whole idea of "I" is not a real thing because it changes everyday. This false idea of "I" is a preconception created by the ego and holds no weight for who we truly are. The true self is innocently sitting back and watching the ego create chaos. Check out Eckhart Tolle's book A NEW EARTH Awakening Your Life's Purpose for more detail. It's a great read! 


In 2003, chiropractors were the target of medical doctors and the FDA. They were being called "quacks" who did not help people heal from disease but instead made people more sick. Why? THEY WEREN'T SELLING THE FDA's DRUGS. 

Chiropractors find holistic ways to help treat their patients. Like acupuncturists, they adjust the body back to normal so it can do what it does best; heal. We are living in a society were it is not in the medical industry's best interest for people to be cured from disease. Why? They'd lose money. It is more profitable to keep people "on treatment" and build life-long customers. 

What happened with Chiropractors and their method of healing the sick sounds very similar to what's going on with Mama Ayahuasca right now. She's labeled dangerous and a Class A drug. This puts Ayahuasca in the same category as heroine! Not only is she far from a "party drug" but she is made from plants with no chemicals added. No one has an Ayahuasca ceremony for fun. She is not one to be tampered with like that. You go to her to seek clarity and healing.

Check out this great documentary DOCTORED. I saw it on Amazon. You can rent it there for $3.99 or buy it for $14.99. It's a great eye opener. It makes me think of Terence McKenna's quote I posted in my previous blog "Ayahuasca Is Truth."

Ayahuasca is truth.

One thing that's certian about the truth is that no one can prepare you for it. There's no need to ask questions or learn about other people's experiences because their truths are not your's. The two can't be compared. Simply trust. Ignore the ego and let go. 

Ayahuasca is truth.

Clinging Creates False Solidity

The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer talks about how we create blocks for ourselves by clinging onto things. To understand what that means lets first let go of who we think we are.

"You are not your thoughts; you are aware of your thoughts. You are not your emotions; you feel your emotions. You are not your body; you look in the mirror and experience this world through its eyes and ears. You are the conscious being who is aware that you are aware of all these inner and outer things."

What does it mean when we cling?

"When consciousness concentrates narrowly enough, it loses its broader sense of self. YOU literally get lost in the experience. This can be generalized to your entire experience of life. Your sense of self is determined by where you are focusing your consciousness."

You then use these experiences that you are focusing your consciousness on to create your entire sense of self around it. This creates a false sense of security in believing that things are supposed to happen a certain way. But lets get real. How often do things turn out the way we thought they would? How limiting is the notion in believing that things only can happen the way I think they will?

Clinging creates mental blocks and pulls our focus out of the present and into a preconceived view of how we think things should be based off a past experience. Whether the experience is good or bad simply take it as that; a life experience. Allow it to be your teacher, learn from it, and MOVE ON. This is how we continue to grow in life and stay open to new experiences. Only by doing this are we genuinely living in the present.

Western Medicine mentality is "Pills are the answer! Please give me more!"

In this society the solution to every mental and health problem is medication. No one ever gets to the root of the problem to really help people heal. With medication you're just switching one problem for another. Don't get me wrong. There are definitely benefits to modern medicine. I myself have reaped those benefits. But when is time to question our doctors when they tell us we need to be on medication for years? For me it was after my brain surgery.

I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 9. The doctors told me that I would have this condition for the rest of my life. Over the years I was switched from one pill to the next like Tegretol (I gained 20 pounds), Lamictal (I broke out in hives), and Keppra (Which may have induced my depression). After 12 years of being on medication my seizures were not abled to be controlled. After college I finally decided to look into brain surgery. According to the doctors at UCLA I was a perfect candidate.

When they rolled me into the operating room I was cheering with a smile on my face. I'm sure the doctors had never seen anyone so happy to get their head sliced open before. I knew this was going to work. I was going to be free of seizures and finally off medication!

After surgery my doctors told me that I still had to remain on medication for 2 years. Why? In case the seizure come back. My doctor had me on 1,500mg of Keppra twice a day! This was the dosage I was taking before surgery. I began to question my doctor. After all I didn't spend all those months of prepping then undergoing a 6 hour surgery just to be back where I started. I decided to take 500mg once a day. How did I decide this? The pills were 500mg pills. I figured one pill a day was all I needed. Not 6 like the doctor ordered. 

When I hit the 2 year mark my doctor asked how I was doing. I said I was fine and I told her the dosage I had been taking. She said, "Wow! That is hardly anything....but if it works for you, continue doing it." When asked when I could stop taking the pills she said that because I still had auras (The warning someone gets before they have an episode) I had to keep taking medication possibly for the rest of my life. I said okay and that was the last time I saw her. Eventually I took one pill every other day then once a week then once every other week until I stopped completely. 6 years later I am still completely seizure and medication free!

Done with ceremonies. Now I can sit back and relax right? Wrong! The work continues.

Reaching your goal is easy. It's maintaining it that's the hardest part. This goes for almost anything because it doesn't involve a temporary shift. It involves a permanent lifestyle change. As stated in a great documentary DMT: The Spirit Molecule "Ayahuasca is in no way the end all be all. She only opens the door to learning." When I came back from Peru I was on a "high" feeling like nothing was ever going to bother me again. I was "fixed" and was able live a light and fluffy life without problems. Man was that foolish! I constantly heard the miracle stories about how people transformed after their ceremonies. They became new people. Perfect almost. It made me feel as if I had missed something along the way. No one addressed the continued work they were doing along with the new struggles they faced. I realized that no one becomes perfectly at peace after doing Ayahuasca. They were simply dealing with things in a better way. The work is on-going. Red Hawk talks about this in greater detail in his book Self Observation.